1 00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:03,660 You know, living on my shoe-store salary 2 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:05,532 has helped my negotiation skills. 3 00:00:05,614 --> 00:00:06,884 For example, 4 00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:09,313 I paid a regular towel price for these 5 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,580 because I convinced the cashier the labels were upside down, 6 00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:14,494 which would be an irregularity. 7 00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:16,229 [Laughter] 8 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,410 Sounds like you took advantage of a stupid person. 9 00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:19,716 [Laughter] 10 00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:22,242 Don't hate 'coz I'm so good. 11 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,546 Mona: Wow, I hope someday I find somebody 12 00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,553 who loves me as much as you love you. 13 00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:28,065 [Laughter] 14 00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,938 - Oh, Mona, I hope you do, too. - [Laughter] 15 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,251 Phyllis: Mona, I have an early birthday gift for you, 16 00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:36,248 because I love you so much. 17 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,950 Is it a new deadbolt for my door 18 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,338 with only one copy of the key? 19 00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:41,130 [Laughter] 20 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,275 No mother in her right mind would give a gift like that. 21 00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:44,834 Exactly, so is that what it is? 22 00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:46,054 [Laughter] 23 00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:50,175 Aw, baby Gucci. 24 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,877 So cute. I miss nice things. 25 00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:54,395 [Laughter] 26 00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:56,399 They're my grandbaby's first pair of shoes. 27 00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,581 - You know something I don't? - [Laughter] 28 00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,017 I just figured when you saw how adorable they were, 29 00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,084 it would give you incentive to get a loaf in that oven. 30 00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,456 [Laughter] 31 00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:06,542 For that, I'd need someone to mix the dough. 32 00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:08,461 [Laughter] 33 00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:11,246 Face it, if you're not pregnant within the next 5 to 7 years, 34 00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,902 I'm gonna be cartin' my grandbaby around 35 00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:15,075 - in my rascal basket. - [Laughter] 36 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,772 Dee Dee, are you gonna help me out here? 37 00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:18,899 Aw, have a girl. 38 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,431 We can name her Rose. I also love Emma. 39 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:22,776 - Aw! - Aw! 40 00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,295 [Laughter] 41 00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:25,968 This is ridiculous. I'm not having a baby 42 00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:27,388 anytime soon. 43 00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:29,958 Why does it always have to be about you? 44 00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:32,526 Your life, your body, your decision. 45 00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,054 Talk about selfish. 46 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,437 [Laughter] 47 00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,710 [Introductory theme song] 48 00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:43,153 ♪ through this journey of discovery ♪ 49 00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:47,633 ♪ you finding you, I'm finding me ♪ 50 00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:50,586 ♪ now that I have someone special ♪ 51 00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:52,585 ♪ who brings out the joy ♪ 52 00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:54,717 ♪ brings out the joy inside of me ♪ 53 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:57,120 ♪ inside of me ♪ 54 00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,344 ♪ we can become whatever we want ♪ 55 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,993 ♪ all we need is lovin' ♪ 56 00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:02,597 ♪ yeah ♪ 57 00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:04,987 ♪ that's the way I feel it should be ♪ 58 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,171 ♪ you and me ♪ 59 00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:10,257 [Off-key] ♪ me ♪ 60 00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:11,697 [Ironic laughter] 61 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:14,870 [Introductory musical note] 62 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:17,565 - [TV game noises] - Hey, Dee Dee. 63 00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:19,619 Damn showboatin' ball hog! 64 00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:21,014 [Laughter] 65 00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:22,747 I prefer Mona. 66 00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:24,358 [Laughter] 67 00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,758 Hey, isn't that your friend Corey? 68 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,542 He's in town playing a preseason game 69 00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,056 against golden state. 70 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,480 He invited me to go, but you know how I get. 71 00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,539 Aw, you overpaid bum! 72 00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,071 [Laughter] 73 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,065 Corey's the only one not throwing up bricks. 74 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,517 - [Whistle blows] - [Buzzer sounds] 75 00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:41,253 Ok, it's a timeout. You got 6 beer ads 76 00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:42,805 and one male enhancement commercial 77 00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:45,121 - to tell me what you want. - [Laughter] 78 00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,688 Since our birthdays are coming up 79 00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:48,215 and my life is going great, for once, 80 00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:50,775 I thought we should have a party together. 81 00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,906 A little celebration that doesn't end up 82 00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:54,438 with kicking my crotch, 83 00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:55,852 an earthquake, or a double date from hell. 84 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,001 [Laughter] 85 00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:58,529 The truth is, Mona, 86 00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,573 I'm not really in a party mood this year. 87 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:01,958 I'm tired of everyone asking me 88 00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,401 what I'm doing with my life. 89 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:04,877 [Telephone ringing] 90 00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,597 I mean, I can always brag about my thighs. 91 00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:07,621 [Laughter] 92 00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,409 My firm, thin thighs. 93 00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,673 But even that will only get me through the first hour. 94 00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:13,536 [Laughter] 95 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,798 Aren't you gonna answer the phone, lord of the thighs? 96 00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,331 [Laughter] 97 00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:19,724 No. It's just the daily call from my mother 98 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:21,678 checking to see if I have a real job yet. 99 00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:23,676 - [Machine beeps] - Big Dee Dee: Little Dee, 100 00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,178 for someone who's not working as lawyer, 101 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,815 you're not home very much. 102 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:28,052 Call mother, let her know when it's safe to boast 103 00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:29,767 - about you again. - [Laughter] 104 00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:32,732 Wow, throw in a tray of lasagna 105 00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,801 and a coat full of cat hair, and you'd have my mom. 106 00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:36,353 [Laughter] 107 00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,023 Besides, don't you have an interview tomorrow? 108 00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:40,053 Yeah, another job interview. 109 00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:41,482 "You have 110 00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:42,679 an impressive roøumû miss Thorne. 111 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,790 Ooh, top of your class! 112 00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:47,266 No openings right now, but we'll keep you in mind. 113 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:49,197 Yes, you can take your water with you, and, no, 114 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,669 - we don't validate." - [Laughter] 115 00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,283 Ok, if anyone ever needed to go to party, it's you, 116 00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,804 so I'm throwing one Saturday night, 8 o'clock. 117 00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,368 I wouldn't dare miss it. 118 00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:00,275 Great, but just remember, it's my party, 119 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,110 so put your thin thighs in some baggy pants. 120 00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,368 [Laughter] 121 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,514 You do have an impressive roøumû 122 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,074 - miss Thorne. - Top of my class. 123 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,030 [Laughter] 124 00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:11,689 Our young firm prides itself 125 00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,253 on spotting future power players 126 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,650 in the legal field. 127 00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:16,872 Well, thanks for the water. 128 00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:18,632 Keep me in mind in case something comes up. 129 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,043 [Laughter] 130 00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:21,689 Here's what we're prepared to offer you. 131 00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:23,609 Thanks. I'll see myself out. 132 00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,128 [Laughter] 133 00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,921 [Confused] I'm sorry. Miss Thorne... 134 00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:28,615 It's ok. 135 00:04:28,703 --> 00:04:30,973 It's rare to find a firm that does validate these days. 136 00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,383 That's why I parked at the jiffy lube 137 00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:34,192 - two blocks down. - [Laughter] 138 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,454 You know, for a lawyer, 139 00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:36,816 you're not a very good listener. 140 00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,672 I'm trying to offer you a position. 141 00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:42,887 Here? At this firm? Ya sure? 142 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,678 [Laughter] 143 00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:47,072 Well, my name is on the building. 144 00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,766 [Laughter] 145 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:51,773 Wow, all this plus dental? 146 00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:53,376 [Laughter] 147 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,337 - Is teeth whitening negotiable? - [Laughter] 148 00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:57,646 [Animated musical note] 149 00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:01,300 Hmm, Mona, are you sure about the stuff 150 00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:03,258 going into these goody bags for your party? 151 00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:05,696 This ain't a gift. It's a gag. 152 00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:06,963 [Laughter] 153 00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:10,786 - [Yells] Adam! - [Laughter] 154 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,085 Here I am. 155 00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,531 Now, what are your other 2 wishes? 156 00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,137 [Laughter] 157 00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:17,137 - Does that line ever work? - All the time. 158 00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:18,509 But usually I make it from the waist down 159 00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,755 - when I sing it. - [Laughter] 160 00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,932 Oh, god, now I got a visual. 161 00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,668 Gotta go wash out my eyes. 162 00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,409 [Laughter] 163 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,420 What are your pictures doing in my bags? 164 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,242 It's a gift for my fans. 165 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,770 You don't have any fans. 166 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,683 Every fan base starts somewhere, Mona. 167 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,028 [Laughter] 168 00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,807 Every parade starts with one Baton. 169 00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,471 [Laughter] 170 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:39,855 Start unpacking this crap. 171 00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:42,038 Well, while I'm unpacking said crap, 172 00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:44,064 might I suggest a little something for your party? 173 00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:45,352 Shirtless waiters. 174 00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:46,692 [Laughter] 175 00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:48,351 They can carry you in and carry me out. 176 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,255 [Laughter] 177 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,220 Let me think about that: No! 178 00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:53,608 [Laughter] 179 00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:55,141 - Hey, Adam. - Careful. 180 00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,054 Somebody's party panties are in a twist. 181 00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:58,309 [Laughter] 182 00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:01,666 So, how'd your interview go? 183 00:06:01,752 --> 00:06:04,672 They offered me the job. Great salary and perks. 184 00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,235 Congratulations! When do you start? 185 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:10,333 I don't. It was everything I thought I wanted, 186 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:12,853 but I turned it down. The hairs said no. 187 00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,897 What? And who are the hairs? 188 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,423 [Laughter] 189 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:18,326 My whole life, whenever something is right, 190 00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,161 I get this tingle on my forearm 191 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:22,429 that makes these fine little hairs stand straight up, 192 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:24,342 like, when I decided to move into the building 193 00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:26,207 to get to know you, tingle. 194 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,558 When I got accepted to law school, tingle. 195 00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,909 When I wore pink as the new black... tingle. 196 00:06:30,999 --> 00:06:32,479 [Laughter] 197 00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:34,346 I don't make any major decisions without it. 198 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,397 My hairs have never led me astray. 199 00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,143 You based a major career choice 200 00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:40,013 on rigid arm hair? 201 00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:41,265 [Laughter] 202 00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:42,917 Mona, don't you see? 203 00:06:43,011 --> 00:06:45,361 I wasn't supposed to take that job. 204 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,278 As strapped as I am for cash, 205 00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:49,843 I wanna do something I can put my heart into. 206 00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,061 I'll know it when it happens, and so will the hair. 207 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,940 That's why I never wax this patch. 208 00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:55,502 [Laughter] 209 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,849 Are we in an alternate universe? 210 00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,679 I have a job, you don't. 211 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,457 I wanted a party, you didn't. 212 00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,211 I am having a great hair day, you, hmm, not so much. 213 00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:05,993 [Laughter] 214 00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,727 Oh, my god, I'm about to lose 10 pounds. 215 00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:10,818 - [Laughter] - [Animated song] 216 00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:13,608 Adam, when I told you shirtless guys in bowties 217 00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,304 was a bad idea, I was so wrong. 218 00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:18,996 When it comes to men and disrobing, never doubt me. 219 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:20,440 [Mona laughs] 220 00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,217 Ma, you want a shot? 221 00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:23,641 You trying to get your mother drunk 222 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,360 so she can be taken advantage of 223 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,055 by all these tender, buff boys? 224 00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,712 [Laughter] 225 00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:30,316 Yes or no, woman? 226 00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:31,446 Gimme that liquor. 227 00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,498 [Laughter] 228 00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:37,113 Happy birthday, Mona. Yo, your party is slammin'! 229 00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:40,285 Listen, you know you're my girl, 230 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,512 but they're some honeys in here with Corey maggette 231 00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:45,682 who got the potential to be my... girl. 232 00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:46,899 [Whispers] Later. 233 00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:48,468 - [Laughter] - [Song continues] 234 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,555 Corey, I'm glad you made it. 235 00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,274 You wanna say something to the birthday girl? 236 00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:53,667 Fo' sure. Just let me get off the phone with my agent. 237 00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:54,690 Ok! 238 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,128 [Laughter] 239 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,128 So, baby Dee, you haven't returned my calls. 240 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,750 Any news on the job front? What's going on? 241 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,702 What's going on is your amazing figure. 242 00:08:06,790 --> 00:08:08,270 Even on camera, you look thinner. 243 00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:09,837 [Laughter] 244 00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:11,424 What kind of camera is that? I want several. 245 00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:12,877 [Laughter] 246 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,107 So, Corey, I'm Spencer Williams, 247 00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:19,463 Mona and Dee Dee's friend. 248 00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,112 They may have told you about me. 249 00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,416 - Never heard of you, man. - [Laughter] 250 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,853 Well, uh, I'm a big fan, man. 251 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,160 Hope you don't mind 252 00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:28,605 me hanging out with your entourage. 253 00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:29,902 I just met these people. 254 00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:31,417 [Laughter] 255 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,471 Oh. I guess you don't mind me hollerin' at her. 256 00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:36,167 That one I like, but you can have 257 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:38,744 - that shorty over there. - That's big, man. 258 00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,392 [Laughter] 259 00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:42,866 - Big. - [Laughter] 260 00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:45,047 You know, Corey and I go way back. 261 00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:48,534 Hey, you off the phone? 262 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:51,225 Yeah. My agent's negotiating my first endorsement deal. 263 00:08:51,313 --> 00:08:52,843 It's all new to me. 264 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,813 Make sure you get "kill" approval on your photos. 265 00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,448 Mother says that is a must. 266 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,926 We didn't talk about that. 267 00:08:58,015 --> 00:09:00,095 Oh, how about commercial script approval? 268 00:09:00,191 --> 00:09:02,061 My agent didn't mention that, either. 269 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,720 Did you talk about getting stock options 270 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,334 in the company you endorse? 271 00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:06,914 I gotta get my agent back on the phone. 272 00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,287 [Laughter] 273 00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:10,253 How about you open just my gift? 274 00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:12,162 - It'll be our little secret. - All righty. 275 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,807 Everyone, Mona's opening my present. 276 00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,601 Come see the fabulous jewels. 277 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:16,945 [Laughter] 278 00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:18,344 You got me jewels? 279 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,907 No, but I got everyone's attention. 280 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,952 Excuse you. If Mona's opening any presents, 281 00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:26,221 I think the first should be from the giver of life. 282 00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:27,854 Fine, then she'll save the best for last. 283 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:28,961 Then I wanna be last. 284 00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:31,346 You can't be last if you're first. 285 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,570 Can I just open something? [Excited] Ok. 286 00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:36,710 [Disappointed] Oh. 287 00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:38,143 Ok. 288 00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:39,619 You got her pantyhose? 289 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:40,929 [Laughter] 290 00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:42,405 No. I got that for her last year. 291 00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:44,454 [Laughter] 292 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,240 It's a fertility savings account 293 00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,764 with the San Francisco egg bank? 294 00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:48,938 [Laughter] 295 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:51,942 It's so you can freeze your eggs 296 00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,806 while they're still young and healthy. 297 00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:55,657 I was gonna get it for you for your 30th birthday, 298 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,252 but I figure, why wait? 299 00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,555 They were havin' a special: Freeze one, get one free. 300 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,082 [Laughter] 301 00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:03,035 This way, you can harvest your eggs now, 302 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:04,914 and then thaw 'em out and have a baby 303 00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:06,645 when you're ready to get your mommy on. 304 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,086 [Laughter] 305 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,002 Unbelievable. Don't be surprised 306 00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:11,277 when you don't get a thank-you note 307 00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:12,306 from my ovaries. 308 00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,404 [Laughter] 309 00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:16,493 I am so glad she opened yours first. 310 00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:17,572 [Laughter] 311 00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:22,014 [Introductory musical note] 312 00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,669 I don't want to talk about it anymore. 313 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,583 I don't appreciate you walking out on me 314 00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,188 when I gave you such a great gift. 315 00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:28,728 Oh, you think freezing my eggs in liquid nitrogen 316 00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,798 is a great gift? 317 00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:31,280 [Laughter] 318 00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,849 Mona, your search for Mr. Right 319 00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,696 hasn't even turned up Mr. Remote possibility. 320 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,511 - [Laughter] - With your eggs on ice, 321 00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:37,792 I don't have to keep bugging you 322 00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:38,811 about grandbabies. 323 00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:40,765 I'm taking the pressure off. 324 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:42,357 Well, how about I take the pressure off? 325 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,250 I'm never having children. 326 00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:46,039 See, you just sayin' that to tick me off. 327 00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,653 No. That's just a perk. 328 00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,044 [Laughter] 329 00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,782 I thought the birthday party was lovely, 330 00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,920 with the exception of Phyllis' little display 331 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,093 and your sister's obvious budget limitations. 332 00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,619 I mean, paper napkins, really! 333 00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,922 [Laughter] 334 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:04,579 Some of us don't have unlimited funds. 335 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,404 Taste is tastier. 336 00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:09,191 And speaking of tasty, I saw your tall friend 337 00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:11,537 Corey at the party. He's quite successful. 338 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,107 I never understood 339 00:11:13,194 --> 00:11:14,654 why things didn't work out for the two of you. 340 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,874 Could things work out for the two of you? 341 00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,112 - [Laughter] - [Knock on door] 342 00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,769 Mom, he's hardly ever in town 343 00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:23,514 and I don't even think he knows where I live. 344 00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,815 - Corey. - [Laughter] 345 00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,042 Looks like someone has learned his way around. 346 00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:31,042 Hello again, Corey. Those are lovely diamonds. 347 00:11:31,125 --> 00:11:32,795 We should get together and compare carets sometime. 348 00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:34,222 [Laughter] 349 00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:36,432 - Yeah. Let's do that, Mrs. T. - Mm-hmm. 350 00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:40,918 [Laughter] 351 00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:43,806 Dee, remember that stuff you said was missing 352 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,233 - from my deal? - Mm-hmm. 353 00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:47,493 I let my agent know and he worked it all out. 354 00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:49,576 Oh, well, I'm glad that I could help. 355 00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:52,841 Cool. 'Cause I was wondering 356 00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,279 if you could look over my contract 357 00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,815 and see what else a brother should be getting. 358 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,755 I'm unclear about all this merchandising stuff 359 00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,627 and I want to make sure I get extra 360 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:03,369 if I tattoo a logo on my neck. Iverson said that mess hurts. 361 00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,681 [Laughter] 362 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,855 [Buzzer] 363 00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:10,895 Hey, Mona. Something I can help you with? 364 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,211 - Quickly? - [Laughter] 365 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,057 Well, I was hoping to talk to you about my mom, 366 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:16,522 but I guess you're busy. 367 00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,955 I'm entertaining one of Corey's cast-offs. 368 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:21,132 She's a ball girl, if you know what I mean. 369 00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:22,518 [Laughter] 370 00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:23,961 T.m.i.! 371 00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:25,397 Sorry. But I wouldn't be 372 00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,273 much good for conversation tonight. 373 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,355 All the blood has flowed from my head 374 00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:30,534 to somewhere else. 375 00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:32,189 [Laughter] 376 00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:35,103 What part of "t.M.I." Didn't you understand? 377 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:36,669 And I don't want to hear any details 378 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:37,946 at the office tomorrow, either. 379 00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,324 Hey, hey. Keep your voice down. 380 00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:40,730 She thinks I play for the raiders. 381 00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,979 Oh! Thanks for stopping by, coach. 382 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,237 I'd be honored to be the new captain of the team. 383 00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:47,330 [Corey laughs] 384 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,855 Do you have any idea what shame is? 385 00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:53,685 - I know what a damn shame is. - [Laughter] 386 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,253 That girl alone on my couch. 387 00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:59,060 You ready to play quarterback and raiderette again, baby? 388 00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:00,082 [Laughter] 389 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,776 Well, I've got two brain surgeries 390 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,000 to perform tonight. 391 00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,658 - Yep. - [Laughter] 392 00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:09,612 I'll be using the ditryptol tong syringe I invented. 393 00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:10,961 [Laughter] 394 00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,701 It's being patented as we speak. 395 00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,291 What the hell are you doing here? 396 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,930 Hold on. They're paging me from the E.R. 397 00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:21,666 [Imitates P.A. static] Dr. Benet, stat. 398 00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:22,797 [Laughter] 399 00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,059 May I help you? 400 00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,717 Who are you talking to on my phone 401 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,327 in my office this late at night? 402 00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:31,717 - My grandma. - [Laughter] 403 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,201 It's only noon in Manila. 404 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,291 You called the Philippines? 405 00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,860 Well, duh! It's not like I have free long distance at my house. 406 00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:42,083 It's not free here, either. 407 00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:43,809 Wait, wait, wait. Is this the same grandma 408 00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,426 who thinks you're married with children? 409 00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:46,826 One of whom is a redhead. 410 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,443 [Laughter] 411 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,113 And now you've got her believing you're a doctor? 412 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,873 Hello! I'm an actor. 413 00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:53,571 [Laughter] 414 00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,458 Well, could you act like you're having this conversation 415 00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:56,876 somewhere else? 416 00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:58,486 I really need to get some work done. 417 00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,616 Maybe my gift will cheer you up. 418 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:01,989 After you ran out of your party, 419 00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,558 I brought it here so nobody would steal it. 420 00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,221 Some of your guests looked a little dicey. 421 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:10,149 - It's a clock? - Not just any clock. 422 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,160 It's the count-it-down clock. It calculates your lifespan. 423 00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:15,253 Now, let's see when you're gonna die... 424 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,552 [Laughter] 425 00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:20,596 - Just for fun. - [Laughter] 426 00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:22,595 All you do is enter your age, 427 00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:25,167 then any factors which impact your life expectancy. 428 00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:27,775 For instance, you being a former smoker, 429 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,427 your lack of regular exercise, 430 00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,001 your lack of regular sex, 431 00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:36,054 the way you shun leafy Greens, 432 00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:38,266 and compute. 433 00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,915 - Uhh! - [Laughter] 434 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,230 - What does it say? - Nothing. 435 00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,797 But if you haven't seen the pyramids 436 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,474 or had a proper orgasm, you better get on it. 437 00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,064 [Laughter] 438 00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,238 Carpe diem, Mona. 439 00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:53,024 Go home and face your demons... Or in your case, your family. 440 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:57,548 You're right. Thank you, Adam. 441 00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:03,508 Hello, grams? Yeah, sorry to keep you waiting. 442 00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:04,768 I just saved another life. 443 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,911 [Introductory musical note] 444 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:11,004 Thank you so much for the awesome birthday gift. 445 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,364 I can't believe the clock told me 446 00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:13,869 I was gonna live to be 103. 447 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,346 [Laughter] 448 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:17,216 Of course it did. 449 00:15:17,307 --> 00:15:21,217 Now, this cupcake represents the best thing about our lives. 450 00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:22,881 I agree. 451 00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,225 It's 2 halves making a whole. 452 00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:28,135 We can get through anything as long as we have each other. 453 00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:29,951 Oh. I thought you were talking about the frosting, 454 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,342 but yeah, the other thing's good, too. 455 00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,145 [Laughter] 456 00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:35,586 So are you and your mom talking yet? 457 00:15:35,673 --> 00:15:38,243 Did I ever tell you how much I love creamy sugar? 458 00:15:38,328 --> 00:15:40,478 It is my joy, it is my life, it is my reason for being. 459 00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:41,854 [Laughter] 460 00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,331 Come on, Mona. Did you ever think 461 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,680 there might be a reason 462 00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,249 why your mom gave you that present? 463 00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:48,296 Evil frickin' puppeteer comes to mind. 464 00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,822 [Laughter] 465 00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:53,165 Or maybe she did the relationship math. 466 00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:56,086 I mean, the whole process could take years. 467 00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,442 You've got to find a man, have a relationship, 468 00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:01,092 plan a wedding, get married, be a couple, have no sex, 469 00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:02,827 consider a divorce, go through counseling, 470 00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:05,268 get your sex life back, then you'll get pregnant. 471 00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:06,965 [Laughter] 472 00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:08,273 Maybe they will have made 473 00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,528 some advances in science by then. 474 00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,151 They already have. 475 00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:13,872 Your mom gave it to you for your birthday. 476 00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:15,796 [Knock on door] 477 00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:23,724 I'm Gus Mason of gmg, the sports agency. 478 00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:25,828 I'm looking for Dee Dee Thorne, a person with the habit 479 00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,864 of getting in other people's business. 480 00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:29,513 Oh, this is the place. Take a number. 481 00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:30,597 [Laughter] 482 00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,245 I'm Dee Dee. 483 00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:34,339 Does this have to do with Corey? 484 00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:36,208 Yes. And maybe I should have called, 485 00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,299 but I was anxious to meet the person 486 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:39,868 who got inside my client's head 487 00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,305 and found room for improvement in my contract. 488 00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:43,652 Look, I'm sorry 489 00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,481 if I infringed on your territory, 490 00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:47,749 but I was just looking out for my friend. 491 00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:50,712 I mean, his stats are on par with mcgrady, gennobly... 492 00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:52,272 Well, because of your persistence 493 00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:53,879 and your attention to detail, 494 00:16:53,969 --> 00:16:56,149 I got Corey an unprecedented deal. 495 00:16:56,232 --> 00:16:58,062 I'm confused. Are you mad at her or not? 496 00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,667 [Laughter] 497 00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:02,717 I was, when I thought Corey was getting advice 498 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,944 from another agent who wanted to steal him. 499 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,874 And then I found out it was just an out-of-work attorney. 500 00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,505 [Laughter] 501 00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:09,992 Does the whole world know? 502 00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:11,602 [Laughter] 503 00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:12,902 So Dee Dee, let me ask you, 504 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,108 have any interest in being a sports agent? 505 00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:22,648 Hey, Mona, see that? Tingle. 506 00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,737 [Laughter] 507 00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:26,176 [Introductory musical note] 508 00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:30,748 Ma, could you come in so we could talk? 509 00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:31,882 Sure. 510 00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,531 Is this a trap? 511 00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:36,058 [Laughter] 512 00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:38,672 No, but I may owe you an apology. 513 00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:42,835 - That would be nice. - [Laughter] 514 00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:45,191 Well, you've got to admit it's not every day 515 00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:47,681 a mother tells her daughter she has to freeze her eggs. 516 00:17:47,762 --> 00:17:48,762 [Laughter] 517 00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,507 Most mothers don't have my foresight. 518 00:17:53,115 --> 00:17:55,675 Or your boldness. Or your ability to overstep. 519 00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,290 Or embarrass. 520 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:58,840 You don't paint a pretty picture of me, Mona. 521 00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:00,380 Well, that's the brush you gave me, ma. 522 00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:04,946 And that's probably why I overreacted to the gift. 523 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,350 I mean, 524 00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:09,003 I've accomplished so much in my 28 years. 525 00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:10,568 But you always seem so focused 526 00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:13,444 on what I haven't accomplished. A man, a child. 527 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,267 You need to let me make my own choices 528 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,225 and my own mistakes. 529 00:18:17,313 --> 00:18:19,103 But it's not easy for me to step back 530 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,965 - and not be a safety net. - That's what mothers do. 531 00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:24,227 Well, sometimes I just need you to let me freefall. 532 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:28,023 Baby, the greatest thing I ever did was have a child. 533 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,724 I always thought I'd have at least two, 534 00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,645 but I just couldn't get up under that little man again. 535 00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:33,756 [Laughter] 536 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,464 Get back to the poignant part. 537 00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:41,081 Honey, you just seem so focused on your career 538 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,033 that I'm afraid you may biologically miss out 539 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,342 on the joy of having a child. 540 00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,078 And I don't want you to miss that, Mona. 541 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,209 I hear you, 542 00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,302 but I'm not making any promises. 543 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:52,961 That's fine, 544 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,244 but don't forget that "freeze one, 545 00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:55,573 get one free" special 546 00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:56,976 expires at the end of your next cycle. 547 00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:59,045 [Laughter] 548 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,658 Do they freeze mothers at this place? 549 00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:03,142 [Introductory musical note] 550 00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,062 Congratulations, Mona. 551 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,705 You've had another bad birthday. 552 00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:09,148 You're 28 for 28. 553 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,575 [Laughter] 554 00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,071 It really sucks when you have to pay 555 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,631 for your own crappy birthday. 556 00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,197 Well, next year, we'll split it... 557 00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:16,814 Now that I have a job. 558 00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,374 I can't believe 559 00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,641 my little sister's gonna be a sports agent. 560 00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:24,034 Sounds exciting and sexy. Lots of hot, muscular guys. 561 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:25,769 When is "bring your sister to work" day? 562 00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:27,510 [Laughter] 563 00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,951 I think this is the challenge I was looking for. 564 00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,688 How does your mom feel about all this? 565 00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:33,649 She has a very unique perspective. 566 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,127 She pointed out that I'm gonna meet 567 00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,127 a whole new class of multi-millionaire. 568 00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:38,789 [Laughter] 569 00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:40,703 And if you have a baby with a pro ball player, 570 00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,308 it could offset daddy's tiny man genes. 571 00:19:45,967 --> 00:19:48,357 The job is 24/7. I sleep with my cell phone. 572 00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:49,988 I'm never shocked when it rings at 2 A.M. 573 00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:51,414 Sometimes it's a client. 574 00:19:51,494 --> 00:19:53,214 Sometimes it's a client's wife or girlfriend 575 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,635 wanting to know where the client is. 576 00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:56,281 You know nothing. 577 00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,909 Sometimes it's a client with a craving for something 578 00:19:57,935 --> 00:19:59,455 he has no business having. 579 00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:00,976 You'll know it when you hear it. 580 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,379 [Laughter] 581 00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:03,832 It's all about dedication and sacrifice. 582 00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,124 Any questions? 583 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,164 We never actually talked about benefits. 584 00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:11,466 Let's see. You get a desk, a telephone 585 00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:13,338 and 6 months to show me what you can do. 586 00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:14,429 [Laughter] 587 00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:18,348 Works for me. 588 00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,354 [Joyful music] 589 00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:30,009 [Instrumental introductory theme song] 590 00:20:30,059 --> 00:20:34,609 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0